Week 3- SHOPPING.

I have a total love hate relationship with shopping.

I love having new things and I love looking good. Who doesn't? As usual I looked into it and it turns out that once again science can back me up on this- research shows that retail therapy has real positive effect on low mood, and doesn't necessarily lead to later regret either. I'm not even particularly fashion conscious (just ask my sister!) but shopping is a temptation that’s hard to escape. Sometimes, if things are going a bit shit, I have a look round the shops on my way home. On a good day I can find myself a bargain, and carry on home with lighter pockets and a little bit more of a spring in my step. What I don’t like though, is what happens if it doesn't go well.

Despite my love of things, I hate shopping. Maybe I'm just an excessively nervy person but I just find the whole atmosphere exhausting. I hate rifling through the shelves, I hate the pressure of being in a shop and not being able to find the thing I want, and I hate having to shuffle past people to do it! That’s without even mentioning the issue of sizing! If there is a systematic rule to it I can only imagine that it depends on the shop, the garment, the time of day, time of year, maybe the position of the planets. I haven’t figured it out yet, and actually I've just decided to stop wearing trousers altogether now because the experience of trying to find a pair that fit properly is frankly demeaning. There is definitely a dark side to shopping.

My solution to this? Good question. I don’t think I’ll ever quite kick the habit, and maybe I wouldn't want to, but I think it’s definitely worth bearing in mind that while shopping can be just what you need on a hard day, it has real ‘poisoned chalice’ potential!

- Gee

Mum failed massively this week - booooo!

Week 2- STRESS.

Pfft! What can you say about stress that’s not been said before? Frankly I’m about as fed up with stress as I could be. Everyone’s at it, we’re all stressed and it’s all bad. What even is it? There’s no uniformity – one man is stressed because his house has been flooded, another is stressed because he left his lunch on the bus. What’s that all about?

I suppose what people are attempting to describe is the way they feel when they are under pressure, worried or concerned about something that is going on in their lives. But isn’t it a bit lazy to use the word stressed. Come on be specific, be expressive, use your words, tell us what’s going on – we might be able to help. When you say your stressed most of us (is it just me?) think

a) me too

b) not again

c) don’t think that means you’re getting out of the washing up.

And is stress so bad? Isn’t it stress that gets stuff done? If I never experienced the stress of a deadline I would probably never have submitted an essay, paid a bill or applied for a job in my life. And then I would have missed out on that great feeling you get of completing a task, achieving something you never thought you could or just that great sigh of relief you have when something difficult is over.

So is stress such a bad thing or is it the way we respond to it that causes the damage? I saw one of those cheesy facebook feel-good posts the other day - A diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well – So next time you’re tempted to use the stress word consider…..are you charcoal or Diamond. Twinkle on!

- Mum

Without stress my life would be empty.

- at least according to the fridge magnet at my parents' house.

Trust me, I know stress. This morning I woke up with Mount Vesuvius on my face, an experience only made more horrifying by the knowledge that I’d have to stand up and present in class this afternoon (yes, I managed it, I was very brave). It's a trivial example of a very real problem faced by everyone on a daily basis, with very real consequences. Those facing too much stress are open to such delights as, to name a few, viruses, infections, circulatory problems, diabetes etc. That's without even mentioning mental health problems, of which there is a pretty grim line-up.

However- what we don't consider that often, and what I find absolutely fascinating, are the potential benefits. Maybe it’s because I'm a student, but I've learned to embrace the focus and the motivation that comes with a small dose of stress. In fact there's even research to back it up. I've drawn you a little graph to illustrate the Yerkes-Dodson law:

  

There's also research to indicate that it gives a short-term boost to learning and memory, increases resilience, and even bolsters the immune system (temporarily). I looked into it, and apparently kids whose mothers experienced a bit of stress during pregnancy benefit in terms of motor and developmental skill by 2 years old (thanks, mum!)

What I found most interesting though, and maybe I'm cheating because uni covered this last year, is that shared stress helps people form friendships. I'd never really thought about it before but the boost to memory doesn't just help with writing that assignment, but it helps you to remember people, and by extension to bond with them. 

What I’m saying is this: it’s so easy to feel like life without stress would be better, and maybe to a certain extent that’s true- but maybe it would be a little bit empty too.

- Gee

Week 1- MANNERS.

I love love love manners.  Manners mean I am choosing to assume that you are a worthy valuable person, I notice you and for that I am offering you my best behaviour. And what I have discovered is that when I treat people this way, they reciprocate.  The world becomes a better, brighter place.  On a grumpy day a young man who stops the door from slamming into my old invisible face can work like a miracle and bring a smile to my frown.  For this charm to work you must first be prepared to ‘give’ good manners and not ‘expect’ them.  Give freely to all, let your manners know no discrimination or bounds, deliver with sincerity and a smile.

 In his book, The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell describes the “Broken Windows theory,” whereby “If a window is broken and left unrepaired, people walking by will conclude that no one cares and no one is in charge. Soon, more windows will be broken, and the sense of anarchy will spread from the building to the street on which it faces, sending a signal that anything goes”.  Bad manners send a signal that anything goes and it can spread like broken windows. Rise above and plant a glorious window box.

Good manners are the grease that help us slip along together and ease our tricky path. Fred Astaire, born in 1899, is quoted as saying “The hardest job for kids today is learning good manners without seeing any.” And maybe part of the problem today is that this still holds true.  Older folk, like me, expect the younger generation to show them good manners. In their disappointment they show their bad and the young reciprocate. Lead by example; show your best self whoever you are. Let the test of your good manners be the way in which you rise above the bad ones and spread the love.

- Mum

Say please and thank you, don’t talk with your mouth full, look at me when you’re talking to me!

I'm sure I'm not the only one who’s had these rules drilled into me from a young age, but what I've never really thought about why?

According to a book that I found (conveniently) at my university library, politeness is a “universal principle of human interaction”. That means that, despite what old folk have to say about us kids of today, manners can be found all over the world and in every culture. Of course these rules are different depending on what culture you’re looking at- apparently in some Middle Eastern counties the good ol’ thumbs up sign is considered the same as telling someone to go sit on a dick. Easy mistake to make!

The book then goes out to list in painstaking detail the strategies for politeness in conversation. Essentially though, the take home message is this: despite the apparent arbitrariness of some rules (but why can’t I put my elbows on the table!?) good manners are an essential for good social interactions. They show that you’re interested in those around you- you care what they think, you want them to feel comfortable.

It’s easy to think, especially as I've gotten older and started working with people, that speaking and acting with politeness is a dying art, but I think it’s worth persevering! Listening to people, showing gratitude, making sure you unplug from your phone once in a while and take the time to actually connect with someone not only shows people that you’re a nice person, but it makes you feel nice too! As for the alternative, no, yelling at me is not going to get you your coffee any quicker, it’s just going to make you look like an arse. So for the sake of yourself and those around you- watch your manners!

If you want to swot up, the book was Politeness: Some universals in language usage, by Penelope Brown and Stephen Levinson.

- Gee